vampire hunter? no i said vampire HAUNTER. this jerk sucked all my blood out so now i spend my afterlife knocking over shelves and scaring off potential victims and just making the castle generally pretty cold
it’s always ‘bleh why are the plates floating’, ‘gah who knocked over my blood goblet’ and never ‘sorry for killing you’ ok starve then!
and what are you going to do about it? have a priest exorcise the place? yeah good luck with all the crosses and holy water you piece of shit
It’s a lovely morning in the gothic castle, and you are a horrible ghost.
Just saw “ageless blogs will be blocked” and ascended, what the fuck is wrong with the current young generation lmao, (1) why are you so obsessed with making other ppl tell u identifying personal details abt themselves in public (2) people can lie about their age people can lie about their age people can lie about their age people can–
cannot stress enough the importance of having a bucket in your house. a big plastic bucket. helps with housework. helps with morale. get yourself a bucket today
thinking abt when pacrim said there are people out there who will have the capacity to know you completely and love you in a way where you genuinely complete each other, VERY much a metaphor for platos concept of two souls splitting from one and then said this is important because you can pilot a huge robot and beat up giant aliens together
do you think hannibal would murder me if he watched me delicately place chips inside a sandwich and then smash it slowly before eating it
he’d either kill me or ask me why i prefer my sandwiches with chips and i’d shrug and say “i like the crunch”. which would prompt him to say something along the lines of “we often crave a taste more primitive, the crunching between our teeth used to be birthed from the snapping of bones from a fresh kill. is that what you are savoring for? tell me helena, do you hunger for brutality?”
A LOVE LETTER TO THE MEDIA THAT HAS SHAPED ME:
6/18 ➳ OCEAN’S 8 (2018) I want you to remember
one thing, you are not doing this for me. You are not doing this
for you. Somewhere out there is an eight-year-old girl lying in bed, dreaming of being a criminal. Let’s do this for her.
“Skyrim runs on everything” meme is just a shitty knockoff of “Doom runs on everything”. But less funny because people DO genuinely actually get Doom running on toasters and ATMs in real life.
All those pictures are 100% real and unedited.
Here are some more of my favorites:
And of course, playing Doom inside of Doom
“Skyrim is being ported to X” is funny because the implication that Bethesda is trying to squeeze blood from a stone by somehow convincing you you should buy it a 20th time on a ridiculous device
“Hey I got X to run Doom!” is funny because it’s just how computer science majors be and they actually fucking did it, y’all.
