[ID: Several images of mocked-up ice cream containers; top is red ice cream with a Heinz Ketchup label, middle is light tan ice cream with a Kikkoman Soy Sauce label, and bottom are two pints, one cream-colored and one white, labeled Heinz Salad Cream and Heinz Mayonnaise respectively.]
Participating in Dracula Daily has reminded me of how throughout the initial portions of the novel the Count repeatedly makes back-handed references to the fact that he’s a vampire, seemingly for absolutely no reason other than to fuck with Jonathan, and it’s strengthened my conviction that you can’t have a faithful modern adaptation of Stoker’s Dracula unless Dracula is just constantly spouting shitty vampire puns – which everyone around him unaccountably fails to pick up on – like a gaunt, bemoustached Hannibal Lecter.
“oh, and just one more thing. those folks down in the village sir, they’re real kind people, and they make terrific food too! the stuff i tried – paprika hundle, no, that’s not right, it was hendl, that’s it! boy, that stuff was delicious! i even got the recipe to send home to my wife. what ya gotta know about mrs. columbo, is she’s a much more adventurous eater than i usually am. she’ll just love that stuff, i’m sure. but i noticed somethin’ funny when i was in town, too. the nice lady who made my food, oh, she was sweet as could be, really, but she seemed so worried once i told her i was comin’ up here. she gave me this crucifix thing, insisted i take it, in fact. isn’t that odd? i’m not much of a religious sorta guy, see, and i thought maybe you might know about – woah! hey! gee whiz, i didn’t know it was gonna upset ya so much….okay, i’ll put it away, no harm, no foul…”
My friend Jonathan Harker met a man who could control wolves with his mind and thought “I can’t tell if this is normal or not for foreign real estate dealings.”
