The Dublin street layout engineer I’ve trapped in my basement: if you aren’t smart enough to solve my Riddles Three and find the ancient cornerstone, older than your fucking country, upon which I’ve etched a tiny cipher that, when cracked, reveals what street you’re on, then you shouldn’t be in fucking Ireland [spits out blood]
Me: I DIDNT EVEN HIT YOU. WHERE DID YOU GET THE BLOOD
There’s a city in Germany, Mannheim, where the city center is laid out on a grid, but instead of naming the roads they named the blocks. So your grocery store might be on block L5. and that refers to, like, the square on the grid paper where the building is, rather than the street on which the building is.
Which like, ok fine. you’d assume the numbers go in order one way, and the letters go in order perpendicular to that.
Well you see, if you’re European, you’re born with this map coded in your brain –
so it works just fine. But if released into a city that was actually planned, we roll into a ball like a woodlouse and wait for someone to catapult us back home.
Abt Cupra Formula E Team – Pickled Onion Monster Munch. In the best possible way, the Abt Cupra car looks like the taste of pickled onion flavour crisps.
Avalanche Andretti Formula E – Ready Salted. They’re both red on the outside. That’s it.
DS Penske – Tyrrells Veg Crisps. Fancy crisps for a fancy foiled car.
Envision Racing – Walkers Salt & Vinegar. Used to be blue and now they are green.
Jaguar TCS Racing – McCoy’s Flame Grilled Steak. I did originally pick Mini Cheddars but they’re not actually a crisp. I know they’re cheese flavoured and these are steak, but they’ve got the same vib
Mahindra Racing – Worcester Sauce. This one is entirely based on vibes alone.
Maserati MSG Racing – Tyrrells Black Truffle & Sea Salt. Fancy, but in a different way to DS Penske because they’ve just got a fancy car and Maserati are Maserati AND based in Monaco.
Neom McLaren – Tangy Cheese Doritos. This is the one that started this particular electric racing/food crossover. Yes it’s because they’re orange and triangular
NIO 333 Racing – Numb & Spicy Hot Pot. Numb & spicy hot pot flavour is entirely the right crisp to match to NIO and not just because they’re both Chinese.
I have been thinking about crisps for DAYS and keep forgetting to buy some. Anyway. In honour of Season 9, Formula E teams as crisps.
I remember when people first realized how much funnier these comics were just without Garfield’s dialog, which Jon was never able to hear anyway. Garfield only ever communicated to us readers in thought balloons, after all. What we’re seeing here is Jon’s canonical reality.
I’m torn between laughing at these and being deeply worried for Jon lol
this is like 100% what living with cats is like
the one where he’s abruptly alarmed by his pants is the funniest one to me
Honestly you don’t even have to change the genre much. Guy probably went through quite the ordeal because of all the people trying to get to Indy.
Day 1: “Professor Jones, hate to bother you but there’s an assassin trying to kill me, do you have…yes I see it…*gunshots* just to make sure, is there any paperwork I can file or should I just call the police?”
Day 85: “Oh fucking try me, I have 84 papers to grade because that lazy asshole went off to fucking Burma in the middle of fucking finals week, if you don’t leave right the fuck now I will awaken that ancient artifact in the corner and turn your intestines into fucking snakes.”
also, don’t forget: the movies are set in the 1930s-50s
so please imagine this 20-year-old girl who’s had to practically fight god to convince everyone that, no, she would NOT be happier with a degree in home economics and yes, she DOES want to be an archaeologist. she’s had to deal with male grad students trying to steal her research and constant patronizing questions about whether she can really handle the dirt and insects out in the field. even Indy, who stands up for her when the department leadership tries to pull Some Bullshit, sometimes treats her like a glorified secretary just out of habit
when the bad guys show up, they are therefore faced with a young woman who exists in a permanent state of simmering rage. she has a sensible wool skirt and practical oxfords and a baseball bat and you can fuck right off if you’re trying to pull this nonsense right after one of her professors just called her “sweetie” for the dozenth time
Okay idk if the timing and logistics match up at all but i just have a fever thought that his TA is none other than Mrs Evelyn O’Connell. Just think about it.
Jones: Are you sure you’re up for this position?
Evie: Dr Jones I assure you that despite being a woman I-
Jones: No no it’s not that, it’s just that there’s a lot of… weird artifacts that come through my door
Evie: Oh, well I actually have some experience with weird
Jones: and sometimes it can get dangerous…
Evie *smiling*: I can handle that as well
(Later in the school year, during a shoot out)
Jones: You weren’t kidding! *gunshots*
Evie pulling out a grenade and chucks it: These ruffians aren’t half as bad Imhotep, and he was nothing compared to midterms *explosion*
Evie: Oh dear they seem to have brought more friends. Pass me my bag Professor Jones if you’d please.
Jones: Sure Evie *hands her the bag*
Evie: *pulls out an old fashion pistol with a large bell*
Jones: I don’t think that’s going to be enough.
Evie: Oh it’s not. I’m phoning my husband *fires a flare through the window*
Jones: I doubt stiff upper lip gent is going to help us right now Evie.
Evie: I whole heartedly agree Professor Jones.
*A moment later Rick crashes the car through the wall and pulls out a tommy gun. He screams at the top of his lungs as he rushes the bad guys*
Evie: Luckily my husband is American.
This continued to get better and better as I went.
