I see a lot of posts about people feeling embarrassed, like, about everything, all the time, being embarrassed is I guess a huge part of some people’s lives. well listen

my girlfriend left her shoes in the middle of the living room floor, so I hid them in the oven drawer. because I thought it was a drawer that you could like–store things in?? I don’t know, I somehow made it to this point in my life without knowing that the fire happens in there. then I forgot I’d done it, and like, two days went by.

so the next time we went to make dinner, the shoes caught on fire.

then the oven caught on fire

then our whole house was full of black smoke

then the NYC firefighters had to come out to our apartment. there were like six of them.

half the people in our building came out of their apartments to find out what was going on, and if they were going to die or if they needed to evacuate their cats or something

and then an actual, New-York’s-finest firefighter looked me wearily in the eyes and said “try not to keep shoes in your oven” as he left.

and now we need a new oven.

and I would say that I felt…mild embarrassment? I experienced a patina of chagrin. “whoops,” I thought to myself, as the firefighters tromped off and the firetruck drove off into the night. “I should probably have known that about oven drawers.” then I bought my girlfriend a new pair of shoes, since I’d burned her old shoes. then we ordered a pizza.

if I can not feel embarrassed about that, I hope you guys can take heart.

Serious question: What is an oven drawer?

I mean come on, it just looks like a drawer, right

Isn’t that where the pots and pans go?

I definitely remember pots and pans getting stored in the drawer of the oven we had when I was growing up. so I figured, okay, that’s a drawer for putting stuff in. key detail I guess: pots and pans are fireproof

unlike shoes




Not always the broiler actually. Sometimes it is just a drawer. My aunt keeps snack foods in there (Oreos, Cheetos, the shit she doesn’t want people to know she eats) and her oven has never caught on fire.

So this is handy information for me to start inspecting the oven of every place I ever move into from now until eternity.

fair enough but i feel like if shoes go in and fire comes out it’s probably the broiler

Oh thank god it’s sometimes a drawer. I thought I had a broiler for years and never used it.

So there’s a compartment that SOMETIMES is extra storage and SOMETIMES is full of fire?

Yep, basically.