Monica Bellucci in Spectre
Tag: James Bond
When it’s announced everyone thinks it’s a joke, like some cheap spy spoof that somehow got the James Bond license. Wee-Man’s wearing a costume shop blonde wig and walking sexily out of the ocean in the trailer and it all looks so stupid. But then it comes out and they’re all playing it straight. This is a serious, big budget James Bond film that’s stretching Steve-O’s limited acting skills to breaking point. Bam Margera is doing the best he can while reportedly insisting on wearing board shorts with his tuxedo. Julianne Moore wins best actress and the film hovers at 52% fresh while critics can’t decide if it’s the best or worst thing they’ve ever seen. David Fincher to direct.
I mean, I’d watch it.
We all know, at this point, what my tastes are. I would stuff handfuls of popcorn into my facehole while watching Bam Margera ollie over a canasta table with cameos from his parents, then swooping Wee Man off to a romantic destination to shag and then weep woodenly when he dies of Unspecified Evil.
Johnny Knoxville and Q stiffly bantering over ludicrous gadgets would just add icing to this trashcake. Giant slap-hands to stop car chases. Cheese in a Can-non. All played like legit military grade weapons. Julianne Moore is defeated with a skateboard and a slip-n-slide into a shark tank. I’m here for it.