HERE WE SEE CHEST HAIR. A grown-ass man will sometimes have chest hair. This is unsurprising. It is even on display for us with that rugged deep V. Werk, Bucky.
BUT HERE WE HAVE EXHIBIT B:
CLEARLY HERE YOU ARE AS HAIRLESS AS A NEWBORN BABE, IF SOMEWHAT MORE MUSCULAR.
Sir, I have QUESTIONS. They are as follows:
Who waxed you?
Or were you shaved?
Was it a HYDRA employee or were you required to do this yourself before you went under?
Did they just wax it all clean or did they take a Gilette to your nips for detail work?
Are your arms also as hairless as a newborn naked mole rat?
Is all of this hairlessness to reduce friction underneath the 100lbs of body armor you have to wear?
If this hair removal process was done while you were frozen, couldn’t they just have like, buffed you with a rag and all of it would have broken off?
Couldn’t they have also taken the time to shave your face or give you a decent haircut? I just feel like this is a strangely specific kind of effort to put in, manscaping a Murder Tool.
Were you oiled?
How often were you oiled?
Do you need assistance oiling yourself?
Any further details on the process of oiling your body are appreciated. Don’t be shy.
Is there any way for us to have this conversation even in jest without getting super sad about the fact that you were tortured for like 95 years while your best friend/boyfriend was frozen in the Arctic and also thought you were dead after watching you fall from a train and being unable to save you and blaming himself for your death?
