You have blond hair, he has brown hair. You always have blond hair, he always has brown hair. You dye your hair brown, but suddenly his hair is blond, and you feel as though maybe you are him, and he is you, and you have blond hair again, and he has brown hair.
His gaze is impossibly fond, his eyes are impossibly blue, he pulls you impossibly closer, your heart beats impossibly fast, the bulge in his pants is impossibly hard, he should maybe get that checked out.
You don’t remember ever working out and yet you look down and see you have a six pack. When you next see yourself in the mirror you have an eight pack. When he takes of your shirt you have ten, twelve abs. You’re scared to look again in case there are more.
His eyes change colour depending on his moods. At first you thought it was a trick of the light, but now you’re not so sure. They switch between blue, green and grey. Once you thought you saw a flicker of red. You make sure to kiss with your eyes closed now.
You’re white, and so is he. Sometimes he’s your enemy, but you still love him, don’t you? Of course, it makes sense. You’re not sure what you like about him, exactly, but there must be something, right? There’s this intangible thing between you, isn’t there? You feel like you may have more chemistry with your non-white friend, but that can’t be right.
You don’t remember taking your clothes off but you’re naked now. Well, all you remember is toeing out of your shoes. You always toe out of them, although you don’t quite know what that means.
Your pronouns mix into a blur and you no longer know where you end and he begins… You reach out your hand to his hand on his arm… your arm… his… You are sitting and he straddles you but is facing away… There are hands everywhere…
THE ACCURACY HURTS.
You smell like sandlewood. You don’t know what sandlewood even IS.
Once your shoes are off, you pad everywhere. You try to walk, but you can’t, your feet don’t comply. Your only option if you want to get from room to room is to pad.
Your tongues battle for dominance. There can be only one victor. One tongue is not walking away from this battle. Will it be yours?
He tastes like smoke and wine, whatever he had for dinner, and something distinctly him. You don’t know what that taste is or where it comes from… only that it is distinctly…him…
Is he The Smaller Man? Or The Larger Man? Are you The Pale Man? Are you The Slender Man? The Blond Man? You no longer have a name… you are just an epithet.
You thought you were about the same size, but, the clothes come off… and he’s The Larger Man. So large. He’s got six inches on you. You can tuck your head under his chin. Ten inches now… is he growing? Are you shrinking?
It’s weeping. OH GOD WHY IS IT WEEPING?
He pins your hands above your head, and you drag your hands through his hair. You’re pulling him closer by his hips and unbuttoning his pants. There are so many hands.
The longer you have sex, the longer and more obscure the adjectives grow. At first his thrusts were merely deep and long, but now they are downreaching, unfathomable, elongated, extensive. At this rate, they may soon be crapulous, didactic, or dilatory. Your eyes will swim with more and more words you don’t know. Is this even English anymore? If your partner has ever hinted at knowing another language, probably not, as he has slipped into his mother tongue hours ago and is moaning exclusively in a Norweigan accent, whatever that sounds like. Probably like a butchered Russian accent.
Waaaaait whoa. Guys. He’s also changing the texture of his skin, along with attempting to match the tone of the ship’s(?) floor.
HE’S TRYING TO BLEND IN.
HE KNOWS HE’S IN DANGER AND HE’S SCARED AND DOESN’T WANT TO BE SEEN.
SHHHHH NO BABY OCTOPUS COME HERE IT’S OKAY <3
We literally have a shape shifting animal with the best camouflage mechanism in nature and nobody thinks that’s the coolest shit like what the fuck we could learn so much from it’s biology everyone needs to get outta my face cause this creature is metal as fuck
There’s one better than this. It’s the cuttlefish. (I watch a lot of animal documentaries, okay?)
No but you have to post a gif of the cuttlefish now. Animal shows are the best shows because nature
the ninjas of the sea
y’all see this motherfucker right here?
this is the Indonesian Mimic Octopus.
This cool little guy can mimic a crab, lionfish, sea snake, flatfish, and jellyfish. He uses these amazing disguise techniques to avoid and deter predators, and also to attract possible meals.
he is the sneakiest ninja of the sea
what the fuck is happening underwater to create these fucking things
Time and space is happening.
Animals lived on ground for only 550,000,000 years, while underwater life existed for billions of years. Also the ground is only 30% of the Earth and height wise it’s only as tall as some tall trees unless you’re flying. Also many places on the ground are deserts and thus don’t have water to support much life.
The ocean on the other hand is 70% of the Earth’s surface, has depths of down to 10+ kms, and most of those depths can support life, so there’s a lot more variety in the types of animals you can see while on the ground most animals stick to 20-30 different basic survival strategies.
Octopuses are the shit
Years ago I made the personal decision to stop eating octopus and squid at sushi restaurants. I honestly and truthfully believe them to be as intelligent as we are, just in different *directions*.
My mom and her wife volunteer as docents at the Hatfield Marine Center in Newport, OR. The Center catches, studies, and releases great Pacific octopuses every 6-8 weeks. Longer than that is considered cruel. Male octopuses don’t live very long – females live longer, but only until they lay a clutch of eggs. Then they starve to death protecting their hatchlings.
Depriving them of too much time is like solitary for DECADES for a human.
And the Hatfield treats them as close to people-in-different-shapes as possible. Octopuses learn individuals. Docents they like, they hug (since they taste through the sensors in their suction pads). Docents they don’t like they squirt with jets of water – and everyone knows that’s valid, and that docent is reassigned.
When the time period is up, the Hatfield takes the octopus in question out to the bay and releases him/her back to the sea. It’s a testament to their treatment that the animals tend to hug everyone goodbye, then swim away slowly. They form attachments.
I think they’re smart. I think their smarts involve their lives underwater, and not our technological world in the air – so they don’t LOOK smart to US.
I want to be kind and gentle with them. I wish I could talk to them and hear what they say to each other. I wish I could understand how they perceive and conceptualize the world – because it has to be SOMEWHAT similar to the way we do – look how their camouflage looks like how WE perceive the animals they’re pretending to be.
Cuttlefish and octopuses are badass. They’re incredibly intelligent and emotional creatures. I highly, HIGHLY recommend reading Sy Montgomery’s The Soul of an Octopus (a National Book Award Finalist BTW). It is an astounding read, a look into the people who work with and study octopuses along with the emotional behavior of these amazing animals.
