The best cover for Bruce Wayne would be dumb carefree playboy who is also Instagram Optimistic, everyday he’s posting a selfie of his smiling at his breakfast with a caption like “it’s a waffle day! #goodvibesingotham #grateful” or a picture of a sunrise with a caption that’s just “wow #blessed”
Bruce Wayne ending up as Gotham’s favoured son because he may be an idiot, but he’s a cheerful idiot, and he donates tons to charity and genuinely loves Gotham and actually, truthfully does put a lot back into the city. And his instagram is a bright ray of sunshine, and honestly there are a lot of people in the city who get surprisingly defensive of their Dumb Carefree Playboy because, okay, sure, every month or so Bruce Wayne falls off a yacht or sleeps with a reporter or whatever. The man clearly never met a healthy coping skill even once in his life.
But as far as news regarding Gotham’s prominent citizens go, Bruce’s ‘scandals’ are so normal that it’s downright refreshing. When a headline has ‘Bruce Wayne’ in the title, you know you’re either going to read some Celebrity Gossip level non-drama, or else something to do with a charity. Maybe he’s been kidnapped again, but that’s only happened a few times. Bruce Wayne news is like the Gotham equivalent to special reports about dogs who rescue their owners from drowning, or raccoons who’ve figured out how to get past the new self-locking garbage can lids.
And there’s something weirdly reassuring about following his twitter. Like, if Bruce Wayne is tweeting about a really neat old tree he just saw, things must at least be sort of alright.
(Meanwhile, Bruce’s social media persona is 100% him flanderizing Clark.)
Special Report – Billionaire Bruce Wayne Adopts Another Orphan: “I Love Being a Dad”
And I beheld, and lo, a black horse; and he that sat on him had a bread-knife in his hand. And I heard a voice say, This is under-proved, and that is over-baked; and see that thou blend thy flavors wisely.
And I looked, and behold, a pale horse: and her name that sat on him was Judgement, and Dismissal followed with her. And power was given unto her over the earth, to bake, and to taste, and to examine, and to diplomatically criticize.
And I saw under the judging table the souls of them that baked: and they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, dost thou not judge and avenge the sweat of our brow on them that write the technical challenges?
apparently a Tetris battle royale came out, and in addition to that just being funny on its own, we’ve also got twitch streamers getting pwned by like, retirees who have been playing tetris for the last three and a half decades
they’re getting blown up live by people with handles like ‘eileen’ and ‘lovemykids72’
the worst part about reading ancient roman philosophy is that sometimes you’ll read something expressly saying that people shouldn’t do something that you do frequently and it’s like diogenes threw a plucked chicken at you from 2000 years ago
