Category: crosspostr

mothermayhem:

protestants: god is not an absent father! talk to god like a friend! god is always with you! bring your problems to god, no matter how small! it’s not at all weird to call god “daddy!”

catholics: god is far too important to give a fuck about your lost keys or your algebra exam. please address your petty concerns to one of god’s ten thousand holy secretaries. if it’s really important, consider asking his mom.

alwaysalreadyangry:

earlier today tom and i were eating dinner, which involved peas, and i said “do you remember the peas and honey rhyme?”¹

tom was like huh no what?

and i looked it up and it’s REAL, and it was written by some anonymous genius. anyway then it was stuck rattling around loudly in my head all evening, so here u go, please enjoy:

I eat my peas with honey;
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.²

—

¹ it’s important to note at this juncture that we were not, in fact, eating peas and honey. we were eating peas with mashed potato and gravy. also some vegetarian sausages made by cauldron, which frankly i do not recommend. they have too much pepper in. mashed potato can also help peas stick to the knife, but it doesn’t rhyme as easily.

² when i googled “peas and honey”, the first result was for a page at the poetry foundation with this rhyme in. very fancy. apparently shel silverstein didn’t write it. that’s all the authorship information they have: not ol’ shel!

I feel like I saw this in a book of jokes/funny poems I had as a kid (in fairness, it’s probably still in the house somewhere) and there was also a poem by Mark Lamarr in there