Maybe this is a question that has been asked many times, but have any of us considered that Santa Claus makes the most sense if he is one of the Great Old Ones?
- Capable of instantaneous travel all over the globe; he spans nations
- Many unpaid minions who seem to live only to do his bidding
- Including eight hooved, horned, flying monstrosities
- Possibly nine if you count He Who Glows
- An unknown, unseen mate hidden away in a barren arctic waste
- He is himself all-seeing, all-knowing
- Used to scare children into good behavior
- Offers extremely conditional gifts
- Appeased by offerings, for the most part
- His belly swells greatly with offerings, described as “gelatinous”
- (cf “Shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly”)
- Despite this, he is “lively and quick”
- Per the famous documentary “The Santa Clause”, when one dies, another must rise
- Are we certain he has no tentacles? What’s under the beard?
- When in mortal form, dresses entirely in furs
- His yearly festival drives all who worship him mad
I think we all need to start acclimating ourselves to the idea that one of the Great Old Ones has, in fact, risen, and he is coming to town.
299 Religions not provided for elsewhere
“Religions not provided for elsewhere” feels like a real mood somehow.
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