Watson and Holmes have a true crime podcast. Holmes goes off on very boring scientific tangents at least thrice an episode and Watson guides him back on topic with his extremely dry sense of humor. Lestrade is occasionally a guest on the show and Holmes finds new ways to subtly suggest he’s an idiot. Mycroft is in like one show a year and the fans love him because he’s unexpectedly very funny. They ask for more Mycroft episodes and it becomes a running gag that every week Mycroft is in a different obscure location where he cannot he reached. Mrs. Hudson invites herself in and knows a suspicious amount about dismemberment strategy and blood spatter.
Watson: Hello, and welcome back to the show. The elder Holmes will not be consulting on this case as he is still trapped in the catacombs and we have received word he has dropped his phone in a puddle of Parisian sewage. Rotten luck, truly. In other news, our landlady has begun rendering fat for the creation of lye soap, she claims it is lard but we have not seen her bridge club rival in some time. We will certainly come back to that later but now for the more pressing topic.
Holmes: This week we will be discussing the rash of arsenic poisonings occurring in Whitechapel between 1884 and 1887.
Watson: This week we WILL be discussing the rash of arsenic poisonings occurring in Whitechapel between 1884 and 1887, so help us God.
Watson: How have you been since we last spoke, Lestrade.
Lestrade: Well, somewhat vexed. A woman in my jurisdiction received a pair of human ears in the post and my wife has left m-
Holmes: WAIT WAIT, GO BACK!
Watson: EARS?
Holmes: EARS?!?!?!?
Holmes: HOW COME NO ONE GIVES ME EARS?!?!?!?
they then set up a PO box so people may send Holmes weird stuff they find, thus beginning his consulting detective career and also his collection of human teeth and cursed objects
Skip to content
herdivineshadow from tumblr