recently learned about a horticultural technique called Espalier, it’s the funniest goddamn thing i’ve ever seen.
Espalier allows trees to be trained into 2-dimensions, by tying the branches to a flat surface as the tree grows. They literally flatten the tree. They make the tree flat. Flat tree!!!
Look at this. This is objectively hilarious:
And people get fancy about it. Look at this nonsense:
(the first one’s called a Belgian Fence, and can be used as an actual fence)
Espalier is actually a very useful technique for
increasing fruit yield
gardening is small spaces
maximizing or minimizing sunlight (since the branches all face the same direction) and therefore extending the growing season
Like. this is a legitimately practical gardening method. but it looks like they squished a tree between the pages of a book. just squashed it flat like a sad little dried flower! i could use these trees as a bookmark!!!
But yes, it is also a healthy and clever way to grow lots of fruit in small spaces, in climates they might not otherwise be suited for. I’m still going to make fun of it, but it honestly looks delightful and delicious.
Espalier!
i showed this to my cousin and she said “just cause it’s flat doesn’t mean it’s 2d” and, with a completely straight face, said “it’s tree-d” anyway im crying
please tell your cousin she made the author of this post cry
a dragon finds a clutch of goose eggs and attempts to hatch them
“Brave heroes, please help us for our town is being terrorised. A great evil has fallen upon us, descending from the yonder dragon’s cave in the mountain” “So you’re being attacked by a dragon? Pardon me but I see no sign of fire damage” “Well, you see, it’s not the dragon that’s the problem…”
your TAGS
#the dragon and the town are actually relatively amicable #the dragon eats a few sheep a month #and the last warlord who tried to put the place to the sword got roasted alive because excuse me those are my sheep farmers #however the Dragon’s Children are another matter #in this the dragon is not an intelligent creature per se but it can understand that the people maintain the delicious wooly things #and should not be killed #it’s a sort of symbiotic association #its goose children terrorising the village though is Not Its Business
Clearly this is the origin story of the Goose from Untitled Goose Game
I was thinking about names again today and remembered how when I was a kid my mums showed me the piece of paper on which they wrote baby name ideas before I was born, and I discovered that if I had been a boy they would have named me Corentin. A pretty average name in France, but they added “we would have nicknamed you Tintin!” which made me feel like I’d dodged a bullet. Their top girl name was Éléonore but they changed it at the last minute. They said “we hesitated, because we liked the nickname Léo for a girl” and I was so mad at them for changing their minds. I felt like I would have been so cool and popular as a Léo, like it would have changed my entire personality. For weeks afterwards, when I felt shy or awkward I wondered What would Léo do? and tried to act more confidently. Or I’d think, no way a girl named Léo would have acted so dumb. I grew to hate Léo. It was hard living in her perfect shadow and the solution child-me came up with to feel better about myself was to add my Discarded Boy Name-persona on my other shoulder. It worked. For a while I went through life caring a lot less if I messed up because what would Tintin do? something much stupider, no doubt
op your thought process manages to be both wild and exceptionally relatable, which i respect a lot
