Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like:
“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?”
“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.”
“…Noted.”
“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material – however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.”
“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”
“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”
“Yeah.”
“Does such a process not hurt?”
“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.”
“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?”
“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?”
“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.”
I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.
Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues
This morning I had the totally random and completely unsolicited realization that “Ghengis Khan” has the same number of syllables as “Stacey’s Mom”, and if I have to be cursed with this knowledge then so do you.
He has a general, ball park idea of his age, he can (usually) guess it within 20- 30 or so years. But that’s all.
He lost count somehwere in his first thousandth years of life and never bothered to figure it out again.
However, if you ask him his age he will tell you WILDLY different answers that seem to be randomly selected out of thin air.
Pippin: Legolas, how old are you?
Legolas: I am 8987 years.
Aragorn: Okay no, Ada isn’t even 8000 years old yet. Try again.
Legolas: I am 72 years old.
Aragorn: And you certainly arnt younger than me.
Legolas: I am 678 years old.
Aragorn: I also feel like that is incorrect.
Legolas: I am 3000 years old.
Aragorn: Much more plausible, but still, I think, incorrect.
Legolas: I am exactly 8 years old.
Aragorn: why are you the way that you are
Legolas: 🙂
Elves actually count time in a period called a yén iirc, equivalent to 144 of our years.
So it’s not that Legolas doesn’t know how old he is. He just wants to put things in measurements his friends can understand, but he’s very bad at math.
He has a general, ball park idea of his age, he can (usually) guess it within 20- 30 or so years. But that’s all.
He lost count somehwere in his first thousandth years of life and never bothered to figure it out again.
However, if you ask him his age he will tell you WILDLY different answers that seem to be randomly selected out of thin air.
Pippin: Legolas, how old are you?
Legolas: I am 8987 years.
Aragorn: Okay no, Ada isn’t even 8000 years old yet. Try again.
Legolas: I am 72 years old.
Aragorn: And you certainly arnt younger than me.
Legolas: I am 678 years old.
Aragorn: I also feel like that is incorrect.
Legolas: I am 3000 years old.
Aragorn: Much more plausible, but still, I think, incorrect.
Legolas: I am exactly 8 years old.
Aragorn: why are you the way that you are
Legolas: 🙂
Elves actually count time in a period called a yén iirc, equivalent to 144 of our years.
So it’s not that Legolas doesn’t know how old he is. He just wants to put things in measurements his friends can understand, but he’s very bad at math.
i fucking hate this because i KNOW that there cant literally be DRACULA on mars but im going to fucking click this link just to make sure that there arent space fucking vampires on mars and i fucking hate that
this is it. this is what they were talking about. its a rock that looks like a coffin. which can only mean one fucking thing. space vampires
