My mum just called from the next room to tell me that “your mum is on on the tv.”
Now, I’m not adopted. What she means is that Joan Collins is on the tv. You see, when I was little, in the days when Dynasty was on telly, I used to get told on a regular basis that I had been found in a dustbin and that my real mother was Joan Collins. And my real dad was our milkman.
I wasn’t too bothered, even though I wasn’t old enough to realise that our rapidly-approaching-elderly milkman and Joan Collins probably weren’t my parents.
According to my mother, Joan Collins also has incredible legs.