this is a good joke but the concept of a funko pop physically aging terrifies me more than anything i’ve ever encountered in my life
Mulder, it’s the dim hope of finding that proof that’s kept us in this car, or one very much like it for more nights than I care to remember. Driving hundreds if not thousands of miles through neighborhoods and cities and towns where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and their dogs, and… in short, living their lives. While we – we – we just keep driving. Don’t you ever just want to stop? Get out of the damn car? Settle down and live something approaching a normal life? This *is* a normal life.
one of the most fascinating youtube subcultures imo is the MRE taste testing community…like those folks who get their hands on military ready to eat meals and do unboxings and taste tests of them? because usually theyre perfectly normal and just interested in testing what militaries around the world eat right now. but some of these folks go the extra mile. they go so hard they threaten to destroy themselves with their own hubris. some of these people are flying towards the sun at alarming rates and are going to not only melt their wings but also their 100 year old preserved foods, causing them to plummet to their deaths, their corpses reduced to stewing in the seawater mixed with the remains of the WWII soviet pea soup they brought with them. im watching a dude eat meat from a 1902 british military ration right now. my dude is deadass out here calmly trying to become the last casualty of the fucking second boer war. as an archivist and general antiques lover ive put my hands on some horrifyingly old and dirty things but the idea of ingesting legitimate american civil war hardtack makes me want to get my stomach surgically removed and i am just so FASCINATED by these people who see these military antiques and think “nice, there’s lunch right there”
“the smell is just awful” SIR you are BOILING cow meat that predates the FIRST WORLD WAR you are boiling beef from a cow that existed at the same time as ELIZABETH CADY STANTON sir this can of beef was canned during the fucking DREYFUS AFFAIR what pray tell WHAT did you EXPECT from this TURN OF THE CENTURY CAN OF MEAT
The Valkyrie needs not help from you or any other man.
In reference to this post, I do legitimately wonder what exactly Nick Fury’s expectations of Steve were.
Assuming his two primary sources for Steve Rogers Anecdotes were Howard and Peggy (and I think they were), there’s no way he would have gotten anything approaching an accurate account for who Steve was as a person.
I honestly don’t think Howard knew Steve well. All his reminiscences are going to be fundamentally colored by the fact that, despite the epiphany he comes to in the S1 finale of Agent Carter (he says something like, ‘he was good before I got my hands on him, wasn’t he?’), Steve’s successes as Captain America are in part his successes because he helped make Captain America. So all the stories Howard could tell Fury (and, sorry about your horrible childhood, Tony) are going to portray Steve in a very specific way, turning him into the ultimate war hero, the ultimate super solider, the ultimate weapon that Howard helped create.
I doubt Peggy’s telling a lot of truths either but for different reasons. Or, well. Peggy doesn’t lie about Steve, but there are certain things she doesn’t say about Steve. Because everyone knows and mourns Captain America, but she’s one of a small handful of people who actually mourn Steve Rogers. There are things about him she keeps private and safe for herself.
Like the fondue story? I am positive that never made it into the global Captain America narrative. I also don’t think it’s a story Tony or Sharon ever heard. Howard doesn’t tell it because it’s not a Cap Story, it’s a Steve Story, and Howard’s far more interested in the former than the latter. Peggy also doesn’t tell it because it’s a Steve Story, and the world isn’t owed any more of Steve Rogers than they already have. They can keep Captain America, but Steve is hers.
But I honestly believe that if Nick got half a shot of whiskey in Colonel Phillips, he would spend literal hours dragging Steve Rogers through the mud.
“Rogers? Biggest pain in my ass that ever lived, and that’s before Stark and Erskine got their god damn hands on him. I’ve had a hemorrhoid or two tried to compete, but nope. It was Rogers.
“That son of a bitch probably spent six weeks AWOL altogether thinking he knew better than me, the SSR, and all the Allied powers put together. At the end of it, he’d come into my office, stand at attention, salute. Then I’d maybe get one ‘yes sir, no sir’ out of him before he started arguing with me about whatever damn fool thing he’d just done. Which, I shouldn’t have to tell anyone, is not how the god damned United States Army works. Rogers never did manage to grasp that concept.
“Don’t ask me about vehicle requisitions. I don’t even know how many cars those idiots wrapped around how many trees. I finally had to order the motor pool to stop giving him motorcycles at all. He kept throwing them at the enemy. That worked for maybe a month. He started stealing them, and I gave up.
“Once I ran into Barnes just staring at a wall looking whey-faced, terrified, and madder than a hornet. So I said, “What did that captain of yours do this time?” and he says, “He charged a fucking tank,” and I say, “Of course he did,” and he says, “Dumb bastard wasn’t even wearing his helmet,” and I say, “I don’t understand how you kept that boy alive long enough to con his way into the army in the first place,” and Barnes says, “You’ve got no god-damned idea, sir, you really don’t.”
“You know Carter shot at him once? I’ve never envied another human being so much in my whole life.
“Steve Rogers gave me most every grey hair on my head, don’t you let her tell you any different. I had a full head of thick black hair in 1943; by ‘44 I looked like someone dropped a pound of drywall on top of me. I aged a year for every hour I spent in Rogers’s company. When I die, if the coroner doesn’t list my cause of death as Steven Grant Rogers, it’ll be god damned perjurous.
“I could have court-martialed that jackass on at least 16 separate occasions, and we wouldn’t have won the war without him. God rest the son of a bitch.”
….so we have to assume that Fury never talked to Phillips I guess.
BUT OH GOD DO I WISH HE HAD
Send a raven.